In leadership coaching, I often discuss the benefits of therapy. Some believe work and personal life are entirely separate, dismissing therapy as irrelevant to professional development. I strongly disagree, especially in our post-pandemic world where work and life have become increasingly intertwined. We are the same person at work, at home, and even on the sidelines of our children's games. Trying to compartmentalize ourselves into different "versions" in various settings can lead to burnout.
This realization came through my own experience in therapy, which I sought to better understand personal and professional challenges. Therapy solidified theoretical concepts I'd studied for years, like Brené Brown's work on vulnerability and Adam Grant's on rethinking assumptions, enabling me to apply them practically. My therapist provided the perspective and honest self-reflection I needed. This is especially valuable for leaders, who often lack a trusted advisor offering candid feedback. As one former supervisor put it, "It's lonely at the top." Therapy challenges this notion, providing a safe space with a trained professional whose role is to offer unbiased support and guidance.
Letting Go of the Myth of "Always Being Strong"
Society often portrays leaders as decisive and unwavering. This expectation can pressure them to make quick decisions, even when thoughtful reflection is necessary. Therapy taught me that true strength lies in allowing situations time to develop, considering my own emotional responses, and shifting from reaction to considered response. It's about embracing authenticity and vulnerability.
Recognizing and Managing Emotional Reactions
Therapy helped me recognize and interpret my body's physical responses to stress—the tightness in my chest, the constriction in my throat. This self-awareness is crucial for effective leadership. I learned to scan my body for these physical cues, recognizing them as indicators of anxiety, which often triggered a desire to control the situation. This awareness is essential because a leader's emotional state directly impacts team morale and performance. Developing self-regulation techniques, like pausing before responding to a challenging email, has been invaluable. Instead of reacting impulsively, I now take a moment to breathe and consider my response carefully.
Avoiding Assumptions and Seeking Clarity
It's easy to jump to conclusions, assuming the worst and becoming defensive. This can damage relationships. Often, a demanding email or request isn't a personal attack. Similarly, a delayed response doesn't necessarily indicate disinterest; the recipient may simply have other priorities. Therapy highlighted how frequently we misinterpret others' intentions based on our own biases. This can lead to misunderstandings and workplace conflict. The solution is direct communication and seeking clarification. Instead of assuming disinterest, I now ask directly about the other person's perspective or workload.
Setting Boundaries and Saying "No" Effectively
Saying "no" can be difficult for leaders who want to avoid disappointing others. (Although some leaders err on the side of saying "no" too often, becoming inaccessible.) Therapy emphasized the importance of setting healthy boundaries to protect time, energy, and well-being. Overcommitting leads to burnout, decreased productivity, and resentment. Strategies for setting boundaries include clearly communicating limits, prioritizing tasks, and delegating effectively. Delegation can be challenging if a leader doesn't trust their team. Therapy can help identify these trust issues, enabling leaders to empower their teams instead of constantly taking on more themselves.
Practicing Self-Compassion
Perhaps the most transformative aspect of therapy has been cultivating self-compassion. Leaders are often accustomed to prioritizing others' needs, neglecting their own. We hold ourselves to impossibly high standards, striving for perfection. This self-criticism is detrimental to well-being and leadership effectiveness. Practicing self-compassion means treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would offer a friend. Instead of dwelling on mistakes and berating myself, I now acknowledge them, learn from them, and move forward with self-acceptance. This remains a work in progress, but I can now recognize these moments and offer myself more compassion.
Integrating these therapeutic principles into leadership—particularly self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and effective communication—creates greater ease and space. These lessons have significantly enhanced my leadership and personal well-being. By embracing vulnerability, practicing self-regulation, and communicating effectively, leaders build stronger teams, foster trust, and create healthier, more productive work environments. Ultimately, this approach fosters more human-centered and effective leadership.
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